During a recent yard sale I had held a woman who looked to be in her mid 50's came to shop for her 7-year-old grandson. She had been looking for some clothing to start his upcoming school year. We struck up conversation quickly because my son is the same age and I had her grandson's size clothing for sale. This woman opened up me that she was raising her grandson and had been since the age of 6 months. At this point of our conversation, I realized how worn out she looked as she sat on the grass to go through the clothes and her purse for money. So, I sat and listened as well as shared my mother's story to let her know and feel that she was not alone. Then I wondered, how many other grandparents feel alone and unsupported while taking on the role of parent and raising grandchildren.
I've seen my mom struggle for the past 13 years in pretty much raising my brother's 4 children. While she is not financially stable herself, she has done everything possible to make sure his children are cared for. She has bought school supplies, clothing, food and sheltered them with her home, love and discipline. Doctor visits, softball and school are were/are part of her daily life with these kids. She is not only a parent to her son but his kids as well and all without much support.
As this lady sat there telling me her story, she mentioned that when her grandson was a baby she had to take him to the WIC (Women of infant and children) so she could get aid in formula/baby food. While walking in, she overheard the lady at the front desk say, "Not another grandparent". She was taken back by that statement and felt judged, so she decided to speak up and ask her what that meant. The WIC receptionist told her she just sees so many grandparents raising kids these days. She finished the appointment and left and just kept on going on. Seven years later, she is still the parent.
While swapping stories of hers and my mothers, finances came up. She went on to tell me that when she got her grandson, he was behind on his well visits, immunizations as well as some other medical needs that she lost her job due to all his needed care. Wow!
When I worked as a medical assistant in a pediatric clinic, I did see this as well and honestly, I guess I didn't realize how much they do for so little in return until now. It's also easy for us to pass judgement and turn our heads or ignore the issue because we are unsure how to help. If we are unsure, think about how they must feel.
From my experience, most grandparents are raising grandchildren because their own child is addicted to drugs, alcohol abuse or incarceration. I can only imagine what that must feel like. Having a child who is abusing drugs and probably homeless or close to it and doing your best to give your grandchild a better and safe home has got to be the most heart wrenching "job" there is. I've seen my own mother give tough love to my brother and even in darkest times, she will only let the kids live with her. She knows that he needs to learn for himself. How painful but kudos to her for being so strong.
Of course there are other circumstances beyond anyone's control to reasons grandparents raise grandchildren, but the support isn't any different. I think we owe it to them to smile and say "hello" more. Offer hand-me-downs of our children's outgrown clothing and an ear to listen from time to time. After all, these children are our next generation and will be taking care of us when we are older.
My grandmother didn't raise me but she was always there for me and still is. I am so thankful for her. This blog is a shout out to all grandparents out there. Such a special role they play in our children's lives. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa's of the world. Keep on keeping on!
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