Per Dr House: "It's not Lupus" OR is it?

It has been about 5 days into another bout of extreme exhaustion.  I hate this feeling.  All week I've thought about blogging about it but couldn't muster up enough energy.  As a mom and wife, this leaves with unbearable guilt, shame and a no-good feeling.  My exhaustion isn't just feeling tired, its like my whole body is weighed down with tons of lead and my eyes tear up with yawns. It is like when you stay up all night over and over and get so tired that your body just doesn't function anymore.  I feel like I could pass out in a deep sleep at any one moment.  During my bouts, I get headaches and or migraines, sometimes get nauseated and usually always feel weak and will have dizzy spells.  Knock on wood, this week I have not had a migraine.

I do my best as a mother to keep on keeping on.  My daughter is so kind to me and will always tell me that its okay and that she still loves me.  Makes me sad that I cannot do more.  I know that on my good days, I can and we make the most of it.  I love hiking, playing, bike riding and all that fun stuff.

Yesterday, we tried the park.  Kids wanted to hike and I just couldn't do it.  So, we played at the park for a little bit and then decided to walk the path to another playing park at this same park.  Half way there I thought I was gonna just fall and pass out.  I just kept on going with the picnic table in sight as my reward. Such an awful feeling.

Last year, before my insurance ended, I was diagnosed with Lupus.  I was put on a medication to see if it would help.  I never got to stay on it and never followed up due to no insurance.  I know I need to fight and get help.  I need to find out what is really wrong as I owe to myself and my family.  I know I have depression and even though its well under control, when I have these bouts it does bring me down.  I just want to be better.  I do keep myself hydrated the best I can too on these days and sleep is never enough and I often will miss meals.  Gah!

I've missed out on so much because of this.  Weddings, parties, get togethers and life in general.  I really want to feel better.